I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
