3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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