Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
