smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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