and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
