He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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