Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.

Fav 27 5256 1003
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(619): View more from California

Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.

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(714): View more from California

Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.

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(914): View more from New York

i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.

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(330): View more from Ohio

He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating

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(585): View more from New York

Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know

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(785): View more from Kansas

How'd your date go last night?

(913): View more from Kansas

Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers

(725): View more from

Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house

(702): View more from Nevada

Pro: there’s always strippers at our house

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