Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
