im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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