I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
