His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
