Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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