do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
