Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
