Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
