You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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