I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
