Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
