I am midnight drunk by noon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
