I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
