my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
