i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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