If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
