Banned from zoo.
Again?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
