Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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