Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
