New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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