i just wanna soil my oats bro
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
