Non-Jews are for practice
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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