Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
