What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
