3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
