you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
