Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
