i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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