I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
