May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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