i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
