Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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