I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
