I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
