Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
