my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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