No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
