I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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