From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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