Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
