she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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