I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
