So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
