Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
