I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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