garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
